In this episode of Bourbon of Proof, we sit down with comedian Jeff Dye to explore his remarkable journey of sobriety and transformation. From navigating the challenges of life without alcohol to finding humor in his experiences, Jeff shares candid insights into his career and personal struggles. Join us as we dive into the intersections of law, life, and laughter, uncovering what it truly means to make a comeback—unfiltered and authentic.
Jeff Dye, Jeff Dye
Bob Simon (00:00):
Jeff does not drink alcohol now.
Jeff Dye (00:02):
Yup. I'm clean, 248 days sober.
Bob Simon (00:04):
Wow. Congrats, man.
Jeff Dye (00:04):
Thank you very much. No, I had a mental breakdown. When I say that, I don't mean that loosely.
Bob Simon (00:11):
Wow.
Jeff Dye (00:11):
Breakup, lost the dog, COVID happened, so I didn't have my career. I couldn't go do comedy and be artistically heard or get attention that way, the way I normally get attention, and then that changed all my comedy.
Bob Simon (00:32):
Welcome to this episode of Bourbon of Proof, where we interview lawyers who have been successful at law and life, but today, we took a little detour because we decided to bring on a comedian or comedienne. What do you prefer?
Jeff Dye (00:44):
Yeah, I think that's for women.
Bob Simon (00:46):
I mean, what do you prefer? What's your comedian pronoun?
Jeff Dye (00:49):
I think men and women go by comedian.
Bob Simon (00:50):
Comedian.
Jeff Dye (00:51):
I think Elaine Boozler tried to start some gender-specific thing, like comedienne, but even the women were like, "Shut the fuck up, call us a comedian."
Bob Simon (00:58):
Here we go, right?
Jeff Dye (00:59):
Yeah, so it's comedian.
Bob Simon (01:00):
Comedian.
Jeff Dye (01:00):
For man and women.
Bob Simon (01:01):
All right. We will make sure we have the right pronunciation. Yeah. We do those little words at the bottom too. We'll make sure the words say comedian, not comedienne.
Jeff Dye (01:08):
Perfect, thank you.
Bob Simon (01:09):
Also, our esteemed co-host, Mauro Fiore.
Mauro Fiore (01:11):
Hello. Hello.
Jeff Dye (01:11):
Good to see you took a break from your bike gang.
Mauro Fiore (01:14):
Yeah, took a bike [inaudible 00:01:15] today to join.
Jeff Dye (01:15):
To join us today.
Bob Simon (01:17):
He's also wearing a Bad News Bears jersey.
Jeff Dye (01:18):
Which is cool.
Bob Simon (01:19):
Yeah, that's cool.
Mauro Fiore (01:20):
Yeah. Well, I'm a '70s kid. Kelly Leek to me was like the Brad Pitt of this era.
Bob Simon (01:25):
He's actually friends with one of the dudes on The Sandlot.
Jeff Dye (01:27):
Oh, nice.
Bob Simon (01:28):
I see him all the time.
Jeff Dye (01:28):
Which one?
Bob Simon (01:29):
Patrick.
Mauro Fiore (01:30):
Patrick Renner.
Jeff Dye (01:31):
I mean in the movie?
Bob Simon (01:32):
The Catcher.
Mauro Fiore (01:36):
He's the [inaudible 00:01:36].
Jeff Dye (01:36):
Oh, I love him. Yeah, he's a cool guy.
Mauro Fiore (01:36):
Yeah. Yeah.
Bob Simon (01:36):
He still looks the same.
Mauro Fiore (01:37):
The guy must be 45 and he looks just like he did in the movie. So, it's a trip.
Jeff Dye (01:42):
I think Sandlot gets a lot of love, but Bad News Bears, very underrated.
Bob Simon (01:45):
Yeah, when they went to the Astrodome, I lost... Whatever. Well, let's jump into the episode. So, Jeff does not drink alcohol now.
Jeff Dye (01:52):
Yup. I'm clean, 248 days.
Bob Simon (01:55):
Congrats, man.
Jeff Dye (01:55):
Thank you very much. Yes, I was a mess. A terrible alcoholic.
Mauro Fiore (01:59):
I'm clean two minutes and 48...
Jeff Dye (02:02):
Well, you probably don't have a problem. I had a problem.
Bob Simon (02:05):
Well, he's got a problem. It's just all problems. It's just multiple times. So, we're going to start with a pour for you, Jeff, and then we'll get into it. So, gin or whiskey, what do you prefer?
Jeff Dye (02:14):
A whiskey.
Bob Simon (02:15):
Okay, so one of these is real alcohol. It's like the Princess Bride. You have to guess.
Jeff Dye (02:26):
Oh God.
Bob Simon (02:26):
I'm just kidding.
Jeff Dye (02:28):
My whole sobriety down the toilet. I guessed wrong.
Bob Simon (02:33):
Well, actually, as lawyers-
Jeff Dye (02:34):
My hair grows out.
Bob Simon (02:35):
... we would be liable.
Jeff Dye (02:36):
All my sobriety coins fall on the ground like Sonic the Hedgehog.
Bob Simon (02:39):
I just saw the Chip 'n Dale live action movie that was half-animated.
Jeff Dye (02:44):
Didn't know that was a thing.
Bob Simon (02:45):
It was actually really funny, but they had the weird Sonic. They called him the Ugly Sonic because he showed his teeth and it looked real weird. It's a funny show.
Mauro Fiore (02:52):
There's a Sonic and then there's another Sonic. Sonic has a sidekick. I've been watching a lot of Sonic lately with Mike.
Bob Simon (02:58):
Knuckles?
Mauro Fiore (02:59):
Knuckles. Yeah, exactly.
Bob Simon (03:00):
Okay, this is going to be interesting.
Jeff Dye (03:02):
Non-alcohol.
Bob Simon (03:03):
Non-alcoholic whiskey. This is from sponsor, the Booze Outlet, that sourced these non-alcoholic drinks for you.
Jeff Dye (03:07):
It's really nice of them.
Bob Simon (03:09):
We're not mixing drinks here. It's straight.
Jeff Dye (03:11):
It tastes like iced tea with a little bit of a zing to it.
Bob Simon (03:15):
It has a weird aftertaste to it.
Jeff Dye (03:20):
I think the aftertaste is more whiskey than the initial.
Bob Simon (03:22):
The initial taste is a Kool-Aid or something. What was your favorite Kool-Aid? I was a purple guy.
Jeff Dye (03:29):
I don't know. I think we always had red.
Bob Simon (03:30):
Red.
Mauro Fiore (03:30):
We liked the red Kool-Aid at my house. You have to have Twinkies with Kool-Aid. It's a must.
Bob Simon (03:36):
We used to have the Kool-Aid picture. Remember the guy smile face and all. We just pour it in and then you pour sugar in and then you mix it up. How was that good for you?
Mauro Fiore (03:44):
Not following the recipe guidelines. Mine was like 50% sugar and 50% water. That was the best joke when I was a kid. Oh, your mom's so fat if she wears a red dress that people say, "Hey, Kool-Aid."
Bob Simon (03:58):
Mauro has some weird life sayings. Mauro doesn't believe in gay marriage. He believes in Christian marriage where he thinks that you should only be able to marry your daughter if she's underage, if you give cattle for it.
Jeff Dye (04:11):
I like that joke.
Bob Simon (04:12):
Yeah, I wonder where we heard that joke.
Jeff Dye (04:16):
Yeah, that's my joke. But in my mind, I was like, "I don't know if he knows that that's my joke." I didn't know that you were doing that by design.
Bob Simon (04:21):
How often are jokes stolen?
Jeff Dye (04:25):
Jokes aren't stolen very often. I don't feel like they're stolen very often, but I feel like they're stolen constantly in memes and on the internet. No one feels bad about it to steal it if it's a sketch or if it's a meme.
Bob Simon (04:35):
I mean in the world that we do, in artificial intelligence and law and copyright and defamation, I mean, are you at all fucking scared that someone's going to just replicate Jeff Dye and take your persona and steal your jokes?
Jeff Dye (04:47):
No, I'm not afraid of that, but I do get jokes lifted all the time. I think one that I can think of the most is a long time ago when Instagram first came out, when it was actually laughable to be an Instagram model. Now that's an actual thing.
Bob Simon (05:01):
Well, you are actually an Instagram model now.
Jeff Dye (05:02):
But in the beginning, that wasn't a thing. You were just on Instagram as a beautiful person. There were no models on Instagram. But anyways, I wrote a joke where I was like, "Oh, you're an Instagram model. Yeah, I'm a quarterback on Madden," or "I'm a veteran on Call of Duty." I had a few of those and it was an old bit that I did I think in 2000-
Bob Simon (05:24):
Late 2003?
Jeff Dye (05:25):
Yeah, 2014 or something. But anyways, now I've seen that as a meme like a thousand times.
Bob Simon (05:30):
Really? But why do you not get credit for that if that's your joke?
Jeff Dye (05:32):
No one cares. I care.
Mauro Fiore (05:36):
Who is the comedian that they always say steals jokes?
Jeff Dye (05:38):
The Fat Jew. You know that account?
Bob Simon (05:41):
Yeah. It's actually called The Fat Jew. You're not actually being mean.
Jeff Dye (05:42):
It's actually called The Fat Jew. I wouldn't just call someone a fat Jew.
Bob Simon (05:47):
Or the fat Jewish. Isn't it the Fat Jewish?
Jeff Dye (05:50):
I don't know.
Bob Simon (05:50):
Fat Jew.
Jeff Dye (05:51):
But he had an account that was all just lifted material, but now he's gone. I don't think he's a thing anymore.
Bob Simon (05:56):
Somebody killed him.
Jeff Dye (05:57):
I believe that. We get pretty mad. I get mad when people steal jokes. I'm talking about it pretty loosely right now, but I don't like it. Yeah. What's that?
Bob Simon (06:04):
You just said you didn't get mad, but now you get mad at people stealing your jokes.
Jeff Dye (06:07):
I'm saying it happens. So, there's no use to get super upset about it, but it does matter. It takes so long to write a good joke and then you've got to do it over and over like polish it.
Bob Simon (06:17):
What's your process? You have a notepad next to your bed and you write down.
Jeff Dye (06:21):
It is a pretty lame process, but yes.
Bob Simon (06:22):
What's your process?
Jeff Dye (06:23):
I go to a coffee shop every day and I write about 30 minutes of new stuff, whether it be good or bad. I work on 30 minutes of old things, so I'll look through old journals or old note cards.
Bob Simon (06:35):
How long have you been doing this process?
Jeff Dye (06:37):
Eighteen years.
Bob Simon (06:38):
Wow. Yeah.
Mauro Fiore (06:39):
Dedication to the craft, man.
Jeff Dye (06:40):
That's right, but I love it.
Bob Simon (06:41):
Are you like what happened to my life joke guy, like a Seinfeld? I'm just seeing shit that happens and then commenting on it.
Jeff Dye (06:48):
I used to be a clean, nice comedian who joked about cats and things and then I had a mental breakdown. Now I am very aggressive on stage and irritable and I'm just older.
Bob Simon (06:59):
If you want to watch Jeff Dye, you should go to his Instagram. It's hilarious. I was watching a series of reels because I want to predict which jokes I wanted to steal from you today.
Jeff Dye (07:06):
Oh, nice. You picked a good one.
Bob Simon (07:08):
That was a good one. I had some other ones too.
Jeff Dye (07:10):
No, I had a mental breakdown. When I say that, I don't mean that loosely, but I also was going crazy before I was admitted.
Mauro Fiore (07:19):
That's so punk rock.
Jeff Dye (07:21):
No, I didn't like it. Yeah, it was very cool. I'm not proud of it at all, but I was actually losing my mind before I was committed and then that changed all my comedy.
Bob Simon (07:32):
How did this go down?
Jeff Dye (07:34):
So just a lot of things happened at once. Any one of the things I'm about to explain, I could have handled fine, I think, but it was just too many things at once. I was already a little mentally unwell as far as I live alone. I don't have kids, I don't have a girlfriend, I don't have a wife. I'm in between my ears a lot, but then you mix that I went through a terrible breakup with someone I really loved. I lost a dog, which was against my will. The HOA voted the dog out of my-
Bob Simon (08:01):
It sounds like a big country song actually.
Jeff Dye (08:02):
Yeah. It was too many things at once. So, like I said, the breakup, lost the dog. COVID happened, so I didn't have my career. I couldn't go do comedy and be artistically heard or get attention that way, the way I normally get attention, which means I also didn't have money, which I was stressed out about. Then at the same time, society decided that straight white males are pieces of shit. There were people literally marching in the streets upset at me when I didn't do anything.
Bob Simon (08:26):
He does a bit where you can't do jokes anymore if you're a straight white male.
Jeff Dye (08:30):
It was too many things at once. It was just too many things. They vandalized my Jeep because it has American flags on it and everyone's like, "Well, you shouldn't have put..." Like I said, that's fine. I'm not trying to be a victim about it, but it was too many things at once and I went crazy. I actually literally went crazy and just drank myself into oblivion. In a house full of guns, that's not a good idea. I went crazy. But then since then I've came back a different guy.
Bob Simon (08:54):
I mean after you had an embarrassing moment where you had a DUI, stuff like that, and then they make you go through this counseling program, stuff like that. We talked about Mothers Against Drunk Driving, and after the third or second, very sad story. It's like, "Come on, we get it."
Jeff Dye (09:11):
Dude, it's too much, man.
Bob Simon (09:13):
It's also about that process. I was watching some of this stuff and it was very-
Jeff Dye (09:15):
All the things that make you do when you get a DUI or go to these things, I don't know if it works. It's just a bunch of people with problems and then they make you feel real bad.
Mauro Fiore (09:25):
When I first started practicing law in the '90s, it's been a while, I did toaster law. You know toaster laws?
Jeff Dye (09:36):
What's that?
Bob Simon (09:36):
No, I don't.
Mauro Fiore (09:37):
Whatever pops into the fucking office.
Jeff Dye (09:39):
Okay. Yeah.
Bob Simon (09:41):
I was a brave little toaster-
Mauro Fiore (09:42):
Wills and trust, fuck, I'll write you a will. DUI, I'm the best.
Bob Simon (09:46):
Actually, he wrote himself into a lot of wills.
Jeff Dye (09:48):
He's my man.
Mauro Fiore (09:50):
Anything I could do to get a dollar out of anybody, because I was fucking starving. I didn't come from-
Bob Simon (09:54):
This aftertaste is actually pretty good.
Mauro Fiore (09:55):
I didn't have any rich family. I had no money, nothing. I was just a street lawyer. So, I did toaster law. I did a lot of DUIs. I remember at that time, back in the late '90s in LA County, if you had a DUI, they made you go to the morgue too.
Jeff Dye (10:10):
Yeah, I've done a lot of weird stuff.
Mauro Fiore (10:11):
Did you have to do the morgue?
Jeff Dye (10:12):
Yeah, we had to go to a morgue and see what happens.
Mauro Fiore (10:14):
They make you work in the morgue where they bring in the bodies off the street and stuff.
Jeff Dye (10:17):
We didn't have to work, but we had to watch. Then the Mothers Against Drunk Driving was really depressing. Those gals were pretty.
Mauro Fiore (10:24):
They really try to browbeat you. They really browbeat the people who get a DUI.
Bob Simon (10:28):
Yours was during COVID, so you had to do the Zoom ones too.
Jeff Dye (10:31):
I'm on Zoom. Yeah. I'm still in a DUI program. I don't know how interesting this would be on the podcast, but my biggest criticism is that nobody talks. So, the state doesn't talk to the DMV, the DMV doesn't talk to the police. It's so separate. So, if I get pulled over right now, I'd be like, "Hey, I'm doing this." They'd be like, "Well, it's not in..." They don't have any access to the same computers that the courthouse does or the things. They're very removed from each other. So, you'll be like, "I called down there," and they're like, "Well, you got to wait until the DMV makes you do blah, blah." It's all so separate.
Bob Simon (11:06):
That's weird. Also weird that you have square cut boots on.
Jeff Dye (11:10):
These are cowboy boots.
Bob Simon (11:13):
I have a lot of them, but I never have... I have high socks. First of all, this is weird. Square cut-
Mauro Fiore (11:15):
Those are ropers, right? Those are ropers. They call those ropers.
Bob Simon (11:19):
Oh, look at that. What kind of sock guy are you? Is this Christmas socks?
Jeff Dye (11:23):
Well, that's mushrooms. I don't know if you guys like mushrooms.
Mauro Fiore (11:27):
Like Super Mario mushrooms.
Jeff Dye (11:28):
No, these are the fun kind.
Mauro Fiore (11:30):
Oh, yeah, I'm into those too. Yeah.
Jeff Dye (11:34):
Yeah. Wait. So, you do have square cut?
Bob Simon (11:38):
I have one pair, but most of all my other ones are more of a pointed cut. Because I'm more of if you're going to kick somebody in the face, make it count.
Jeff Dye (11:44):
There you go. I like that. I have been telling all my short guy friends to wear cowboy boots because look at that heel and there's all these short guys in LA that are insecure about their height. I'm like, "Wear some cowboy boots. One, you'll seem like more of a man, but then two, you get to cheat by an inch or so."
Bob Simon (11:59):
I bet my wife in cowboy boots, I still have constantly, constantly.
Mauro Fiore (12:03):
who among us has an inch to give?
Bob Simon (12:05):
The angry inch, that's what they call them, the angry inch. You actually have a few more drinks.
Jeff Dye (12:10):
I got a question for you guys. What's the best law? So if you're not doing pop, what'd you call it? Toaster law?
Bob Simon (12:15):
Toaster pop law, that's actually a good area.
Jeff Dye (12:17):
What's the one when someone walks in, you're like, "Jackpot, I'm going to make some bank off this"?
Bob Simon (12:23):
I do think that every lawyer's one case away from retirement anytime. My dad drove for UPS his whole life. If you have a UPS driver that everybody knew was drunk, he was drinking on the job, he hit somebody in a quadriplegic that had 12 kids or hit somebody that was legally crossing the crosswalk, made a quadriplegic that had 12 kids. You can retire.
Jeff Dye (12:43):
That's the one like the Tracy Morgan case.
Bob Simon (12:45):
Oh, that was New Jersey. I know the people that were on that case.
Jeff Dye (12:47):
Yeah.
Bob Simon (12:48):
Do you think he was faking it because he was out of the game?
Mauro Fiore (12:50):
I think he was faking it.
Bob Simon (12:50):
I think he was.
Mauro Fiore (12:51):
I've heard him on Howard Stern after that and he's like, "That was Walmart, not Walgreen, motherfucker." He is like, "How much money did you get?" He goes, "Well, it was Walmart."
Jeff Dye (13:00):
Let me say this. I know some people involved in it on the victim side, not the law side. They were advised to not be online, not do anything until the case... So, basically, they were just hid knowing that they would get a big-
Bob Simon (13:14):
With a guy like Tracy Morgan, it's got to be a really fucking big number for him not to pursue his career for three years.
Jeff Dye (13:21):
Yeah, it was a big number. Well, they were like, "Dude, this is Walmart. You're going to get paid."
Mauro Fiore (13:25):
Yeah, no, it's Walmart.
Bob Simon (13:26):
Interesting.
Jeff Dye (13:27):
But there was some smaller economics too that it's worth it to not be on your Instagram.
Bob Simon (13:30):
Oh, for sure.
Mauro Fiore (13:31):
Because they were all on a bus, right? There was a bus of them.
Bob Simon (13:33):
Like a limo. He was a crazy limo guy.
Jeff Dye (13:34):
I would try to do it but I wouldn't be capable. I'm not good with that stuff. I'll go camping. I'd be like, "I need the woods. I could see myself being out here for a year. It's good to get away from my phone."
Mauro Fiore (13:46):
You could go camping if you've been injured. I mean you just can't maybe go to the gym and be doing-
Jeff Dye (13:50):
No, I was using this as an example. I am the type of guy who will go camping and then be like, "I could be out here for a year," and then after 12 hours, I'm like, "Where's my cell phone? We got to get to a Starbucks." I romanticize about those things. So, I think that I would try to be off the grid to get the biggest payout in the lawsuit, but then I just wouldn't be able to do it.
Mauro Fiore (14:10):
I've had one day in the last 20 years where I was forced to not have a cell phone for 2018 hours maybe.
Jeff Dye (14:23):
That's hard.
Mauro Fiore (14:24):
It was tough, man. I went to the Masters this year in Augusta, Georgia.
Bob Simon (14:28):
They make you lock it up.
Mauro Fiore (14:29):
So Masters, big bucket list thing for golfers. I play golf-
Jeff Dye (14:32):
I love Masters.
Mauro Fiore (14:32):
... with a bunch of my friends. The Masters, they don't allow cell phones in the tournament. I was there for Masters Sunday, the final round. Got there 9:00 in the morning, didn't leave until 6:00 PM after Scotty Schaeffler was fucking drinking booze out of the trophy on the fucking 18th green. So, I was there 18 hours or something. Long fucking day, right? Twelve hours at least. No cell phone. They lock it up and stuff. I was fucking weird. I felt weird with it.
Jeff Dye (15:02):
It is weird. Also, you shouldn't feel bad about it being weird. So, people always go like, "Oh, I would love to get away from my phone." But also, there's a reason you like it. Everything's in there. Your career's in there, your wife's in there, your friends are in there, your strangers, your dreams. Our phones have every-
Bob Simon (15:19):
[inaudible 00:15:20].
Mauro Fiore (15:21):
At the tournament, I'm walking around.
Jeff Dye (15:23):
It's not just Candy Crush.
Mauro Fiore (15:24):
Walking around.
Jeff Dye (15:25):
There's a ton of shit there.
Mauro Fiore (15:25):
Golf course, right? Walking around this big fucking golf course. I don't know where the fucking holes are. I don't know what the hell's going on. They got three hand change scoreboards like Wrigley Field where the guy made a birdie or whatever. Three of them on the whole course. So, nobody knows who's winning, who's losing, what's going on. At home, I watch a golf tournament. I got my phone, I got the screen. I can see who's winning, who's making a birdie, who's choking like a dog.
Jeff Dye (15:52):
You know why they don't let you?
Mauro Fiore (15:53):
In Masters, you're just wandering around. What the fuck is going on?
Jeff Dye (15:55):
You know why they don't let you have your phone at the Masters? That way, you got an out for your wife. Dude, they don't let us have our-
Bob Simon (16:01):
I've gone to the Masters every year. Yeah.
Jeff Dye (16:04):
Honey, I don't know what to tell you. I was at this very exclusive golf course with no cameras or anything for 12 hours and they didn't let me have a phone. So, I don't know what to tell you.
Bob Simon (16:13):
Actually, I didn't see any photos of you actually at the Masters.
Jeff Dye (16:17):
No, I couldn't. I mean I have no proof I was there.
Bob Simon (16:17):
Were you really there?
Jeff Dye (16:18):
I tried to sneak in. Well, not sneak in. I tried to be silly Jeff. We were doing a gig in Augusta and I came up to the gate and I go, "How's it going? We just want to go in, take a look around." The guy's like, "You can't." He gets people like me all the time. We're wearing the rental cars, me and my buddy, Brandt Tobler. I go, "Well, I'll pay whatever." He goes, "You have to be a member." I was like, "Perfect. How much is a membership?" He's like, "Guys, just got to get out of here." So we turned around and then the next day before we left, we're like, "Let's just try one more time." It was the same guy there. So, I just drove up to the thing. I go, "Hey, man, it's me again," and then just kept going because there's not a gate, gate. It's just a driveway. Then they came out, he's like, "Da-da-da." I was like, "I'm just kidding." I turned around and he was like, "You guys are idiots."
Mauro Fiore (16:56):
Well, so you've been to Augusta so you can see how totally unimpressive the town is.
Jeff Dye (17:00):
Yeah, it's not. Also, the town hates the Masters.
Mauro Fiore (17:05):
There's a Waffle House.
Bob Simon (17:07):
Of course, it's Georgia.
Jeff Dye (17:09):
It's a bunch of blue collar nice people who resent what Augusta brings to their town or what the Masters brings to Augusta. They keep these big trees. They don't let anyone watch it. They don't let anyone in there. You can't go to a gift shop.
Bob Simon (17:23):
It's like a country club.
Jeff Dye (17:25):
But they're mad about it. If everybody was like, "I know your town. I go to that country club," they're like, "We are not even allowed to look at the country club piece."
Bob Simon (17:32):
Let's just do it. We're going to keep pouring because it really don't count. So, this is empty. Actually, I mean this one, this is weird.
Jeff Dye (17:42):
I feel bad, I'm throwing a wrench in this. I'm not a lawyer. I don't drink.
Bob Simon (17:46):
All lawyers drink.
Mauro Fiore (17:46):
This is going to taste like rubbing alcohol.
Bob Simon (17:49):
This is a gin, which we love gin. We're going to Spain for a month and Mauro and I are going to drink probably a bottle a day of gin.
Jeff Dye (17:56):
Atta, boy.
Mauro Fiore (17:57):
We're leaving tomorrow.
Bob Simon (17:58):
Leaving.
Jeff Dye (17:58):
I do want to say to your viewers, listeners-
Mauro Fiore (18:00):
You should come tomorrow. You should come to Spain.
Jeff Dye (18:03):
Yeah, if I'm invited. Yeah, that sounds awesome. Spain's some of the most beautiful people I've ever been around.
Mauro Fiore (18:06):
Oh, it is.
Jeff Dye (18:07):
I'll tell you a good Spain story. I will say though to your listeners and your viewers, I did a nice roast. That's how we first met. Every single person called you guys alcoholics, every single person. That's a big part of the roast. Just want to let that be known.
Bob Simon (18:22):
That's all you got to say.
Jeff Dye (18:23):
Pour the gin.
Bob Simon (18:24):
Wow. What a story. What a fucking epilogue, this guy.
Mauro Fiore (18:28):
Then he got to see me roast and my shit was really-
Jeff Dye (18:31):
You were great. You were my favorite racist of the day, quite the racist.
Bob Simon (18:37):
Never see the light of day.
Jeff Dye (18:39):
In this brave new world.
Bob Simon (18:41):
Yeah, no, I don't know why I'm pouring to you.
Jeff Dye (18:42):
You are allowed to say anything racist.
Bob Simon (18:44):
So what's weird is the whiskey one, the calories. This is zero calories. The whiskey's five calories.
Mauro Fiore (18:50):
Is this supposed to be gin?
Bob Simon (18:52):
I mean it doesn't matter. Everybody in LA is on Ozempic anyway, so who's counting calories? I mean what we got to do now is the loose skin is the problem.
Jeff Dye (18:57):
That is the problem. Facts. This guy did his homework. The loose skin is the problem.
Bob Simon (19:03):
Yes.
Jeff Dye (19:04):
Just be your own body type. We don't need all this loose skin walking.
Bob Simon (19:09):
I have a twin brother and I'm bigger. He's smaller. They always said we were like the number 10 walking around.
Jeff Dye (19:13):
Oh, that's sad.
Bob Simon (19:15):
It's not sad. It's beautiful. You actually saw him. He was the first one to roast me.
Jeff Dye (19:17):
Yeah. Cool guy. But wait, they called you the zero in the 10.
Bob Simon (19:21):
I was round, but I was bigger than the one. It's like a lowercase one.
Mauro Fiore (19:25):
This stuff is just fucking strange.
Jeff Dye (19:27):
It's not good. You guys could have real stuff. You don't got to not drink because I'm not going to drink.
Bob Simon (19:31):
Cheers. This is actually not bad, man. I mean it's not good, but it's not bad. Look at Mauro. He never cheers.
Mauro Fiore (19:35):
Now, cheers. Jeff, so when he did drink booze, what was your preferred?
Jeff Dye (19:41):
I loved Irish whiskey and then I would just chase it with anything.
Mauro Fiore (19:44):
Jameson's?
Jeff Dye (19:45):
So I'd chase it with soda water generally. But then White Claws came out and I was like, "Dude, what is this?"
Bob Simon (19:49):
You're doing Irish whiskey and White Claw. Yeah, you had a fucking problem.
Jeff Dye (19:51):
White Claws were awesome though. I really it.
Mauro Fiore (19:53):
I used to drink Jameson's.
Jeff Dye (19:54):
You could crush 500 White Claws.
Bob Simon (19:56):
You can't chase it with whiskey.
Mauro Fiore (19:57):
I used to drink Jameson's with ginger ale. It was fucking great on ice.
Jeff Dye (20:01):
Or Corona. I'm a big Corona guy. I would just drink a thousand of those.
Bob Simon (20:04):
Can't drink Coronas. That's just like you're just hydrating.
Jeff Dye (20:08):
Well, that's what it was. That's why it's a chaser.
Bob Simon (20:10):
I could see that. It's fine.
Jeff Dye (20:12):
So Spain.
Bob Simon (20:13):
España.
Jeff Dye (20:14):
I went to Spain and they said, "Do you want to come to this nightclub?" I was like, "Yeah, let's do this." So we go to this nightclub. The nightclub didn't start until 2:00 AM. So, we had a nice dinner and cigars at midnight and we're just waiting and we're sleepy because dude, 2:00 AM is pretty late. But all these women came in to go to the nightclub because all the soccer players go there. So, the girls are like-
Bob Simon (20:34):
These, it's football.
Jeff Dye (20:36):
Oh yeah, football. Sorry, footy. So, all these girls come in. When I say they were the most beautiful women I've ever seen in my life, I am not exaggerating, they were not 10s. They were 100s. It was the most beautiful women. I was like, "Tonight's going to be a great night, boys. I got the best table here." I was there for a TV show, so it was all being paid by NBC. I took all the camera guys out. I was like, "Dude, I felt feeling really cool." I'm the American guy.
Bob Simon (20:59):
Was that Naked and Afraid?
Jeff Dye (21:00):
No. I wish, no, Better Late Than Never. But those old guys go to bed early and then I would stay out all night with the crew. So, I'm feeling myself going, "This is going to be a great night. This is going to be so cool. I've never seen so many beautiful women, blah, blah, blah." I was so excited. Then about 1:45 at night, the most beautiful men I've ever seen in my life came in. I'm not a bad-looking guy. I should have been shoveling coal for these people.
(21:26):
They looked at me, they're like, "Back to the shadows, ugly." I'm like, "What the fuck is going on?" It was the most beautiful men and women. I was like, "Well, they're going to have sex with everybody. We're doomed." For sure enough, that's exactly what happened. We would be at our table and some girls would dance over and then we'd be like, "Hi, I'm Jeff. I'm from America." They'll be like, "No Ingles," and then dance away.
Bob Simon (21:45):
Is that how the G-Dub started for you?
Jeff Dye (21:47):
The what?
Bob Simon (21:51):
Break it to him.
Mauro Fiore (21:51):
Genital warts.
Jeff Dye (21:52):
Oh, yeah, yeah. No, no, no. I don't have genital warts. Let that be known on the podcast that we don't have GW.
Bob Simon (22:00):
G-Dubs.
Jeff Dye (22:01):
G-Dubs.
Bob Simon (22:02):
Yeah, I was just saying dollar bills.
Jeff Dye (22:05):
[inaudible 00:22:04] George W. Bush real.
Mauro Fiore (22:06):
Bob's nickname is G-Dub. He had them burned off and he's all good now. It's all good.
Bob Simon (22:11):
With enough G-Dubs, you can have G-Dubs.
Jeff Dye (22:13):
All cleared up.
Mauro Fiore (22:13):
He cleared up.
Bob Simon (22:14):
The fake whiskey, by the way, is way better than the fake gin.
Jeff Dye (22:17):
Have you guys been to Spain?
Mauro Fiore (22:18):
Mm-hmm.
Jeff Dye (22:19):
What'd you think?
Mauro Fiore (22:20):
It's great. I love Spain. I love Spain. Spain's awesome. People are great. Food's great.
Bob Simon (22:25):
We're nine hours ahead, which I like because people leave us alone until 2:00 or 3:00 PM. The world don't wake up here so we're not getting inundated with phone calls and the office is on fire and shit like that.
Jeff Dye (22:35):
Yeah, no one works in Spain.
Bob Simon (22:37):
No.
Jeff Dye (22:38):
You'll get like a lunch. It takes two fucking hours. Hurry up.
Bob Simon (22:42):
They don't care.
Jeff Dye (22:43):
They don't care.
Bob Simon (22:43):
They don't care.
Jeff Dye (22:43):
Yeah. They're just like, "Oh no, it's not like America." They just think we're losers because we are efficient. You're like, "Can you please work?"
Mauro Fiore (22:50):
That's the one thing that I can always tell people is I spend a lot of time in Europe and the one gigantic source of difference between the US and Europe is the efficiency of things that in the US, you're not going to find that anywhere in the world.
Bob Simon (23:08):
Well, Germany's pretty efficient.
Mauro Fiore (23:10):
Well, maybe Germany maybe, but if you're in France, Spain, Italy, whatever, and you want to send a package, let's say I want to send to FedEx. Well, that's like a whole ordeal.
Jeff Dye (23:18):
That's a day.
Mauro Fiore (23:19):
That's a day. It's not like here.
Bob Simon (23:22):
When Mauro and I travel, we usually either shrink wrap our clothes or ship our suitcases at a time so we don't have to travel light because we have kids and stuff. It was a whole ordeal for him to ship his luggage back because people just didn't want to work. No one works.
Mauro Fiore (23:33):
I went to the DHL. Oh, nobody's here. Well, when are they going to come back? Well, I'm not sure if they're coming back.
Jeff Dye (23:38):
Seriously?
Mauro Fiore (23:39):
I was like, "Can I just leave my suitcase here with it? It already has the label in it." No, no, you have to talk to the guy.
Bob Simon (23:45):
Everything was a problem.
Mauro Fiore (23:46):
I was like, "Okay, well..."
Bob Simon (23:47):
It's a problem.
Jeff Dye (23:48):
Our workers don't even have time for small talk. You'll be like, "How's it going this morning?" They're like, "What do you want, man? What can I get you?" It's all about the getting done.
Mauro Fiore (23:56):
Also, they're not into really into fast food in Europe. It's not like here, but there's an occasional place.
Bob Simon (24:02):
The difference is here, everything is actually Mexican food.
Jeff Dye (24:05):
That was a Jeff Dye joke.
Bob Simon (24:07):
Ah man, quick. I'm just stealing this.
Jeff Dye (24:09):
You better put them down at the bottom window because this can make it sound like you're very funny.
Bob Simon (24:13):
Well, I didn't tell the whole punch line.
Mauro Fiore (24:16):
In Europe, you go to a restaurant and you see the fucking guy there making the food. I went to this Thai place one time. I don't know if I was in France or in Spain.
Jeff Dye (24:26):
This is probably one of your trips without your wife that we're about to hear.
Mauro Fiore (24:28):
No, I went to this Thai place and the guy was making the fucking pad Thai I was like, "I don't want shrimp in the pad Thai I just want a plain." This is impossible.
Bob Simon (24:36):
It's impossible.
Mauro Fiore (24:38):
This was in France. This in France. This is impossible. I said, "Why is it impossible, man?" The fucking guy's right there. Tell him not to put the shrimp in it. This is impossible.
Jeff Dye (24:47):
I love you, America. That's what I like about you.
Mauro Fiore (24:49):
I'm like, "Why is it impossible, man?" He's like, "Because it is. Now, fucking get the fuck out of here if you don't want the shrimp in it." I was like, "Okay." [inaudible 00:24:56].
Jeff Dye (24:56):
My buddy's dad ordered an espresso at 8:00 PM or something. It was nighttime. They just landed. He orders an espresso. This is in India. The guy goes, "This is no time for espresso." He goes, "But you have the machine and it's right there. Can you just make me a double espresso?" The guy's like, "It's 8:00." In our brain, we go, you just make it. In their mind, they're like, "That's not how things work."
Bob Simon (25:21):
This one guy who posted this reel when he was in Italy of all the things he did to piss off the Italians, so he would be ordering pizza, putting ketchup on it, doing shit that people would be like, "What?" They would blow their minds. He's in a cafe and they were getting so mad at him doing all these little things. Eventually, they called the police on him.
Jeff Dye (25:36):
It is funny though. We defend cultures so aggressively, but we do have an American culture that is like-
Bob Simon (25:44):
Super-sized convenience.
Jeff Dye (25:45):
... as white trash as it might be, that is a thing.
Mauro Fiore (25:47):
Convenience is American culture. I would say convenience is American culture. Where other countries, they don't indulge your convenience. They don't indulge people like they do here. Here, they'll indulge you, man. If you have money here, they'll indulge any fucking thing you want. In Europe, if you've got money or not, they're not going to indulge your bullshit. It is how it is. This is how it is.
Bob Simon (26:07):
So Jeff, we're going to get back to you, the human being. Yeah, you're a funny motherfucker.
Jeff Dye (26:10):
Thank you very much.
Bob Simon (26:11):
You're tall, you're handsome.
Jeff Dye (26:12):
Thank you.
Bob Simon (26:13):
You've dated some celebrities that we won't name publicly here.
Mauro Fiore (26:15):
Well, why can't we name them? I like to hear about celebrities.
Jeff Dye (26:18):
Let's talk about your exes. How does that sound?
Mauro Fiore (26:20):
Okay.
Jeff Dye (26:23):
It didn't work, man. I try to flip back at him. Didn't even work.
Mauro Fiore (26:26):
I did date Shanaynay Brown at one time. She was very beautiful.
Jeff Dye (26:29):
Who's that?
Mauro Fiore (26:30):
Well, I'll show you pictures later. She was the one that got away.
Jeff Dye (26:32):
Sounds like a fake name.
Mauro Fiore (26:34):
Well, maybe. Then I've had many of exes I could speak about. Yes. Let's hear about some of yours.
Jeff Dye (26:40):
Wait, wait, you can ask me whatever you'd like.
Bob Simon (26:42):
Now we just want to know-
Mauro Fiore (26:43):
Who's the hottest one?
Jeff Dye (26:45):
I mean, good question. My hottest actually isn't a celebrity of any sort, but her name's Kim De Jesus.
Mauro Fiore (26:56):
Oh wow.
Jeff Dye (26:56):
She's beautiful woman.
Bob Simon (26:56):
Kim of Jesus?
Jeff Dye (26:58):
Yeah, that was her last name.
Bob Simon (26:59):
Is that what attracted you to her was the Holy Trinity? She was De Jesus.
Jeff Dye (27:03):
Yeah, that's first. It's just a coincidence that she was very gorgeous too.
Mauro Fiore (27:09):
Where did you grow up? I don't know a whole lot about your background.
Jeff Dye (27:12):
I grew up in a town south of Seattle, Washington called Kent. It's like a little white trash town that's about 45 minutes south.
Bob Simon (27:19):
I feel like that's most of that Pacific Northwest.
Jeff Dye (27:24):
Yeah, probably.
Bob Simon (27:25):
I mean, I grew up in Pittsburgh. It was totally white.
Jeff Dye (27:26):
They're all red. People think that Washington's blue.
Mauro Fiore (27:30):
There's also Kenton or Kenton. There's another town called Kenton.
Jeff Dye (27:33):
I think there's a lot of Kent's. They're all named after Kent England. So, Kent England has the most-
Bob Simon (27:37):
Really?
Jeff Dye (27:38):
Yeah, because Kent England had the most hops in Europe. So, any place that has hops as their main trade, they'll just name it after that thing.
Bob Simon (27:46):
By the way, Washington, everything's in a drive-thru. Talk about convenience. They had like coffee drive-thru. There was a video game drive-thru. There was a vape thing drive-thru.
Jeff Dye (27:54):
Yeah. We do have the most coffee shops.
Bob Simon (27:57):
That's wild.
Jeff Dye (27:57):
Like you're saying, it'd literally be a little stand of beautiful women selling espresso and then right across the street, an espresso stand of two hot gay guys that sell espresso. It's every type of espresso stand. There's girls in lingerie over there. These ones are like the cowgirls. There's all these little stands.
Mauro Fiore (28:17):
When did you come out to LA?
Jeff Dye (28:19):
2008.
Mauro Fiore (28:20):
To be an actor or comedian?
Jeff Dye (28:22):
No, I got on Last Comic Standing and the guy who runs the show is a guy named Barry Katz. He was like, "If you come to LA, I'll get you work." I never thought that that's what I wanted. I thought I'd just do standup and tour and live in Seattle. But then also there's nothing keeping me in Seattle. So, I was like, "Okay, I'll go to California." I fell in love with it. I really like California.
Bob Simon (28:41):
I love California too, but you have a variety of everything.
Mauro Fiore (28:44):
What part of town do you live in now?
Jeff Dye (28:45):
I live in Sherman Oaks.
Mauro Fiore (28:47):
Oh, cool.
Jeff Dye (28:47):
But also what I like about LA, because people love to talk about the bad parts, but I think the good parts are you can go two hours in any direction and feel like you're in a totally different place.
Bob Simon (28:57):
Yeah. They always say you can surf in the morning and be in the mountains by the afternoon.
Jeff Dye (29:00):
There's so many staycations you can do. Every woman in my life loves Ojai, Catalina Island.
Mauro Fiore (29:07):
I go to the Lake Arrowhead, two hours from here.
Jeff Dye (29:09):
Arrowhead, Big Bear.
Bob Simon (29:10):
You have a place there where you sold-
Mauro Fiore (29:12):
No, no. I used to rent a place there all the time.
Jeff Dye (29:13):
I camped in Fallbrook this weekend, which was really beautiful, Temecula area.
Mauro Fiore (29:18):
It's above Temecula. They have a lot of avocado groves.
Bob Simon (29:21):
San Diego is one of those-
Jeff Dye (29:22):
The entire property was former avocado.
Bob Simon (29:25):
San Diego is one of the most beautiful... It's called a sax, they call it, because it's the end of... But it's a very interesting community because everybody's chill, right? The guy would roll up, he's like a bartender.
(29:39):
Stealing your jokes, man.
Jeff Dye (29:40):
It's amazing, dude. You're at five for five? No, San Diego's the best.
Bob Simon (29:44):
See, yeah.
Mauro Fiore (29:45):
If I could live anywhere in the world, I think in the US, I would live in maybe La Jolla.
Jeff Dye (29:52):
Yeah, it's great.
Bob Simon (29:53):
I'd live in Manhattan Beach. Well, that's where I live. I love it. Or Spain. That's why we go to Spain.
Jeff Dye (29:57):
Well, yeah, San Diego is... At least the people that I hang out with there are half surf people and then the other half is military people.
Mauro Fiore (30:06):
They're all chill.
Jeff Dye (30:06):
Yeah, they love where they live. I think that's actually the secret sauce. If you love the city you live in, you're generally my favorite person to hang out with.
Bob Simon (30:15):
Well, I think that's where I like this transition since COVID where people are being comfortable where they live and maybe working where they live and investing in their community where they are. I just think it's stupid for people to drive to do a white collar job. You do a lot of virtual stuff and you're everywhere too, but my staff's mostly virtual, 80 employees, mostly people are. Why the fuck you got to go into the office to get something done and do this commute? Why can't you be home with your kids and do shit like that?
Jeff Dye (30:41):
Have you ever been to Denver? Everyone's so proud of Denver. The people that live there, they'd be like, "It's your first time in Denver." You're like, "Yeah." They're like, "Enjoy." They know it's a cool place.
Mauro Fiore (30:53):
Denver is a cool place.
Jeff Dye (30:54):
Same with Scottsdale. Phoenix, Chicago has a lot of hometown pride. Most of Ohio, people love Ohio. So, it's like anytime the person that lives there likes their place, it's the best place. What's that?
Mauro Fiore (31:08):
So you came here in 2008, Los Angeles, and have you been able to make a living as a-
Bob Simon (31:12):
I'm going to finish this bottle.
Mauro Fiore (31:13):
... comedian-
Bob Simon (31:13):
Whatever this is.
Mauro Fiore (31:15):
... since then, 2008 to now?
Jeff Dye (31:16):
Yeah.
Mauro Fiore (31:18):
I commend you for that. That's hard to do, man.
Jeff Dye (31:20):
It is hard to do. I got very lucky mixed with hard work, but definitely very lucky.
Mauro Fiore (31:27):
Doing TV and stand up.
Jeff Dye (31:30):
I've been on over 40 different shows. I've had 10 of my own different shows and then stand-up comedy literally any time.
Bob Simon (31:36):
What are you passionate about? I mean, is there a genre of comedy or what's your picture perfect world of Jeff Dye?
Jeff Dye (31:42):
My dream is to do exactly what I'm doing now just for way more money.
Bob Simon (31:48):
That's why actually we're doing this show. We like to drink and hang out with each other. So, let's just interview our friends and drink a lot of whiskey.
Jeff Dye (31:53):
I love that. But you guys have already got the power and money part. So, you guys are now chasing this other thing. Oh, how do I get people to know who I am and get a little fame? Whereas I'm not as seduced by the fame part because I get a lot of attention, but now I'm still chasing the money.
Bob Simon (32:09):
I feel like you couldn't get enough attention. I feel like you love-
Jeff Dye (32:11):
That's a pretty good diagnosis.
Mauro Fiore (32:12):
But you have to be an actor or comedian and stuff, you have to love that. That's got to be your DNA.
Bob Simon (32:19):
Some people hate it.
Mauro Fiore (32:20):
Who can be an actor who doesn't like attention?
Jeff Dye (32:22):
I like all the people that don't have my problems. Does that make sense? So all my friends are pretty gross guys who don't need to be the center of attention. I admire that they're not vain because I'm vain and I admire that they don't need attention because I am grossed out by how much attention I like.
Bob Simon (32:36):
How long does it take you to do your hair in the morning?
Jeff Dye (32:37):
Oh, that doesn't take long.
Bob Simon (32:39):
Really? I feel like it's perfect.
Jeff Dye (32:40):
That's nice.
Bob Simon (32:41):
Is it a blow-dry situation then, a little paste?
Jeff Dye (32:43):
My hair's grown a lot better now that I don't drink. I will admit that.
Bob Simon (32:46):
Why?
Jeff Dye (32:46):
I don't know. My whole body's working.
Mauro Fiore (32:48):
How long have you lived in Sherman Oaks?
Bob Simon (32:49):
Oh, I feel like my hair's better since I drink every day.
Jeff Dye (32:51):
I don't think that makes any sense at all.
Mauro Fiore (32:54):
You lived in Sherman Oaks a long time?
Jeff Dye (32:57):
I've lived in Sherman Oaks for seven years. I bounced all around to see where I like before I bought.
Mauro Fiore (33:00):
Did You ever hang out at Casa Vega?
Jeff Dye (33:03):
Oh yeah. I like Casa Vega.
Mauro Fiore (33:04):
That's the fucking best. That's a great bar now. Too bad you don't drink.
Jeff Dye (33:07):
Good food. No, I used to drink it all the time.
Mauro Fiore (33:09):
Yeah, it's Casa Vega, this place, it opens like at noon, right? It's a Mexican restaurant [inaudible 00:33:14] in Sherman Oaks.
Jeff Dye (33:15):
It's awesome.
Mauro Fiore (33:15):
You walk in there, it's pitch fucking black.
Bob Simon (33:18):
Oh, I hate those.
Mauro Fiore (33:18):
As soon as you walk in, you can't even see.
Jeff Dye (33:21):
It's diverse with everything. So, I use the word diversity correctly, unlike modern times.
Bob Simon (33:29):
I can't wait for this one.
Jeff Dye (33:30):
Well, I'm just saying it's got every age, it has every political spectrum. It has every type of race, it has every type of gender, it has every type of sexuality. That's the actual definition of a diversity.
Mauro Fiore (33:41):
They have the Charles Manson table there. Have you been to the Charles Manson table there?
Jeff Dye (33:44):
Yeah. It's diverse with range of celebrities. There'll be like a point [inaudible 00:33:49].
Mauro Fiore (33:48):
Manson ate there the night.
Jeff Dye (33:50):
And then there'll be like Billy Graham eating burrito in the corner.
Mauro Fiore (33:53):
Manson ate there at Casa Vega the night that he did the LaBianca murders.
Bob Simon (33:57):
Post-life. There was a necrophilia. Remember that episode? Well, Mauro, it's in his search history.
Mauro Fiore (34:01):
Yeah, no, Manson and his followers were there at Casa Vega the night they did the Tate-LaBianca murders.
Jeff Dye (34:06):
The same night?
Mauro Fiore (34:07):
Same night. They went from there to the murders and they had the table where Manson ate. It's in the back corner.
Jeff Dye (34:13):
I knew that he ate there, but I didn't know that they were there the same night as-
Bob Simon (34:17):
The sickos go there.
Jeff Dye (34:18):
... the stabbing.
Mauro Fiore (34:19):
Just to go sit at the fucking table.
Bob Simon (34:20):
Wow. Have you been at the table?
Mauro Fiore (34:22):
Yeah.
Bob Simon (34:23):
Of course, he has.
Jeff Dye (34:23):
That guy sucks.
Bob Simon (34:25):
That guy sucks.
Mauro Fiore (34:26):
Sherman Oaks is a cool place.
Jeff Dye (34:28):
I really like it. Casa Vega is really fun.
Mauro Fiore (34:29):
There used to be a show on HBO called Sherman Oaks.
Jeff Dye (34:31):
Really?
Mauro Fiore (34:32):
Yeah. Back in the '90s. HBO had those weird shows. They had a weird show about the valley called Sherman Oaks.
Jeff Dye (34:38):
There's a bar that I used to frequent every single night called the Chimney Sweep. It's closed and I'm happy to share this story now that it's closed and I won't get in trouble for sharing it. Me and Willie Simon were there and I was-
Bob Simon (34:50):
Friend of mine? No, I don't know Willie Simon.
Jeff Dye (34:53):
You'd love him, dude. Very funny stand-up comedian. Look him up. So, we went there. I go there every night if I wasn't on the road. So, this guy gets into a fistfight behind us. Then the next night, we're at the bar. We're like, "That guy's here again." He gets into another fistfight, two nights in a row. So, then the third night, we're like, "That guy, he's here again." He jumps the door guy and then a bunch of regulars, not me, got him and kicked him out. I was like three, "Nights in a row, this guy came to the same bar and got into fistfights." So I say to the bartender who I know, I'm like, "Maury, why do you guys keep letting that guy in here? He's getting into a fistfight three nights in a row." She goes, "Oh, he sells coke here." Isn't he protected?
Bob Simon (35:33):
He's protected class.
Jeff Dye (35:34):
That would also be against the rules, Maury. But evidently, that's the bar it was.
Bob Simon (35:39):
We've been in a few situations, Mauro and I have, where people were about to throw down. Mauro was pretty cool character, but the most famous line that he ever had is this guy got up and he was like, "Where are you fucking from, bro? I'm going to beat your ass." He's like, "I'm from right here right now." Yes, I got him. I got him to walk off and walk off the set with his own joke.
Jeff Dye (35:56):
There's my own life stories I'm hearing. I want to hear about you guys. Tell me some cases.
Bob Simon (36:03):
This isn't your show.
Jeff Dye (36:03):
What's your craziest case?
Bob Simon (36:04):
This isn't your show.
Jeff Dye (36:05):
Let's hear some law stuff.
Mauro Fiore (36:07):
Oh, you don't want to hear that?
Jeff Dye (36:08):
Yeah, I do want to hear that. That's what people what to hear.
Bob Simon (36:10):
I wonder if he knows Kenny. What was Kenny's last name? The comedian?
Mauro Fiore (36:14):
Thomas.
Bob Simon (36:14):
Kenny Thomas.
Mauro Fiore (36:15):
Cut hair, the little guy. He's a comedian. He lived in Sherman Oaks too.
Jeff Dye (36:18):
Kenny Thomas.
Mauro Fiore (36:19):
Yeah. He was a comedian.
Jeff Dye (36:20):
Let's look him up.
Mauro Fiore (36:23):
He worked at Floyd's, the barber shop on Ventura Boulevard.
Jeff Dye (36:27):
Oh, I know exactly who you're talking about.
Mauro Fiore (36:28):
Yeah, the guy with the red hair.
Jeff Dye (36:29):
Nice guy. Yeah. He booked a lot of comedy shows.
Mauro Fiore (36:33):
He used to book shows. Exactly.
Jeff Dye (36:35):
Yeah. Really nice guy. He booked me a few times. But it's funny that the way I knew him is because you said he used to live in Sherman Oaks and he worked at the barber shop, because he would always go into the Woodman, which is another bar.
Mauro Fiore (36:44):
Yeah, I hung out with him in the Woodman.
Jeff Dye (36:45):
Maybe we've met there.
Bob Simon (36:48):
Gray Fox, he does whiskey now.
Mauro Fiore (36:50):
He moved to South Carolina, isn't it? Yeah, he moved over there and now he's doing his comedy over there. I see him on Instagram all the time.
Jeff Dye (36:58):
He was a nice guy.
Bob Simon (36:58):
Baseball player. He got drafted and then broke his neck riding-
Mauro Fiore (37:01):
A dirt bike.
Bob Simon (37:02):
ATV dirt bike.
Jeff Dye (37:03):
Who did?
Bob Simon (37:04):
He did.
Jeff Dye (37:04):
Really?
Mauro Fiore (37:04):
He got drafted by the [inaudible 00:37:06].
Jeff Dye (37:05):
That's interesting.
Bob Simon (37:07):
He has the prints from the halo that they put in his head, but he's still an amazing baseball player. He was switch hitter. He pitched, played shortstop when he was 40. I remember his 40th birthday.
Mauro Fiore (37:14):
He used to book shows in Pasadena. I used to go to some of the shows at the Ice House that he would-
Jeff Dye (37:19):
Yeah, he's a good guy. I remember that guy.
Mauro Fiore (37:21):
Small world.
Bob Simon (37:22):
Well, man, so we usually do what's your bourbon of proof. You could pick what's your favorite.
Jeff Dye (37:25):
Out of these two?
Bob Simon (37:26):
Well, I don't want to do out of these two, but I want us to know if it wasn't Corona, if it wasn't some of the other stuff, the bullshit White Claws you were chasing whiskey with. You were an Irish whiskey guy. So, what was your bourbon of proof back in the day?
Jeff Dye (37:36):
I always did Jameson, but it wasn't because I thought it was the finest. It was just the something I knew. It was familiar.
Bob Simon (37:46):
Easy to get. It's cheap.
Jeff Dye (37:48):
It's everywhere. It's at every bar.
Bob Simon (37:50):
Can you name the Brat Pack? Do you remember the Brat Pack?
Mauro Fiore (37:51):
I can.
Jeff Dye (37:52):
The Brat Pack?
Bob Simon (37:53):
Come on, man.
Jeff Dye (37:54):
I've never even heard of the Brat Pack. Are you talking about Frank Sinatra's-
Bob Simon (37:57):
No, there was a Brat Pack.
Jeff Dye (37:58):
Yeah, I don't know what the Brat Pack is.
Mauro Fiore (37:59):
From the '80s.
Bob Simon (38:00):
You should know this, 1980. He's 74.
Mauro Fiore (38:03):
The Brat Pack. I know them.
Jeff Dye (38:03):
All right. So, who's the Brat Pack?
Mauro Fiore (38:05):
Demi Moore, Emilio Estevez, Charlie Sheen, John Cusack.
Jeff Dye (38:12):
Do they know they were in this pack?
Bob Simon (38:15):
Yeah, they were the movies. They did all these movies.
Mauro Fiore (38:16):
John Cusack.
Jeff Dye (38:17):
Okay. It's a big pack, huh?
Mauro Fiore (38:21):
Andrew McCarthy?
Bob Simon (38:22):
Yes. He's the hard one.
Mauro Fiore (38:24):
Andrew McCarthy.
Bob Simon (38:25):
I'd have to look all these up because I think we are missing some. But they were the Brat Pack.
Jeff Dye (38:29):
I never heard of them.
Mauro Fiore (38:29):
Molly Ringwald.
Bob Simon (38:30):
Yup. There was a girl.
Mauro Fiore (38:33):
The other girl with the dark hair, Ally Sheedy.
Bob Simon (38:36):
Ally Sheedy.
Mauro Fiore (38:37):
There you go. That's the Brat Pack.
Bob Simon (38:38):
One of them in Breakfast Club and they went back and forth.
Mauro Fiore (38:39):
But that's my era. So, I know the Brat Pack.
Bob Simon (38:41):
That should be his era. What were you watching growing up?
Jeff Dye (38:45):
Simpsons? I don't know.
Bob Simon (38:47):
Simpsons were like early '90s.
Jeff Dye (38:49):
I watched a lot of pro wrestling. I watched TGIF, Family Matters, Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, all that crap that my sisters had on, Saved by the Bell.
Bob Simon (38:59):
We watched a lot of WWF back in the day.
Jeff Dye (39:02):
I grew up in a girl home, three sisters, and there was no boys in my neighborhood to hang out with that I was friends with at least until I was a little older. So, I just was doing girl stuff all the time, but really wanting to do boy stuff. Does that make sense? So anything that would be remotely stereotypically boy, baseball would be on. I'd be like, "I like this. This is what I like." Then my sister's like, "You don't even know what this is." I like it. So, I still see that rear its head in my life.
Mauro Fiore (39:29):
Are you still close with your sisters?
Jeff Dye (39:30):
Yes. One of my sisters passed away.
Bob Simon (39:32):
Sorry to hear that.
Jeff Dye (39:34):
Car accident, distracted driving.
Bob Simon (39:36):
It's worse than actually drunk driving.
Jeff Dye (39:38):
I know. These phones, man.
Bob Simon (39:40):
Last trial I had was a distracted driving and hit a guy that was drunk that was just a pedestrian.
Jeff Dye (39:44):
Oh, really?
Bob Simon (39:45):
Yeah. Very sad.
Jeff Dye (39:45):
My sister was on the phone and then the gentleman that hit her was texting and then he killed people in the car that he was in also. So, it was just a whole mess of distracted driving, but it is crazy, man. I'll see people all the time just texting and driving. It blows my mind how common it is.
Bob Simon (40:06):
What's crazy is if the government wanted to step in, you could disable that because the phone's in motion. You could probably disable those features. We have a few cases against Uber and we're suing Uber directly because they allow people to be on the app and accept, which you have to be distracted in order to do that. I have one case where he even admits he was distracted looking for the person to pick it up, swerves right, and hits a girl on her bike that kills her.
Jeff Dye (40:26):
Oh, my God.
Bob Simon (40:27):
So how is that not direct liability against Uber?
Jeff Dye (40:29):
100%.
Bob Simon (40:30):
You could disable that feature. It used to be disabled. Remember when you used to get the old navigation in the first cars, you had to be stopped to be able to use the navigation?
Jeff Dye (40:37):
Yeah. Well, I mean, I don't remember that, but that sounds like a logical-
Bob Simon (40:40):
It sounds like a logical thing.
Jeff Dye (40:41):
Exactly.
Bob Simon (40:42):
It's not good for business.
Jeff Dye (40:43):
Also, Tesla observes your eyes. So, they have the most data recorded on just-
Bob Simon (40:50):
Unless you assume and guess what happens? We don't have anything.
Jeff Dye (40:52):
That is true. Well, they choose to do what they want with their little footage. But there's a thing for auto drive that if you're on auto drive and you're looking at your phone, right? Because it's on auto drive. It will know that your eyes are looking down and disable it.
Bob Simon (41:07):
Yeah. It'll tell you. It'll give you a warning.
Jeff Dye (41:07):
This is not what this is for. So, if they can track your eyes, so people try to put sunglasses on and it is good enough technology to get to know that you're still not looking at their... So, they have the technology for sure.
Mauro Fiore (41:21):
Bob, have you ever had a case where you have test footage from a Tesla vehicle of all the videos?
Bob Simon (41:26):
So I have not, but I know that you actually won a case by doing this.
Mauro Fiore (41:30):
Yeah, but if you turn it on-
Bob Simon (41:33):
When they're not at fault.
Mauro Fiore (41:34):
I used to have a Tesla and I never turned on all the features, but you could turn on where it records.
Jeff Dye (41:40):
Yeah, I keep it on me at all times.
Mauro Fiore (41:41):
Right and front and everything.
Jeff Dye (41:42):
It's only screwed me.
Mauro Fiore (41:44):
You have a Tesla?
Jeff Dye (41:45):
Yeah. Here's the video of my DUI. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, Jesus. What have I done? Oh, gosh. Oh, what if the cops come? I'm drunk. It couldn't have been worse for me to have all that.
Bob Simon (41:58):
You've actually seen that video?
Jeff Dye (41:58):
Yeah.
Bob Simon (41:59):
That's awesome.
Jeff Dye (42:00):
Yeah, my attorney's got all that and then me running, they just got side cameras showing me running. But yeah, I know it records.
Bob Simon (42:06):
I feel like you're fast.
Jeff Dye (42:06):
Mortifying image.
Bob Simon (42:08):
You're tall. You probably run like a deer.
Jeff Dye (42:10):
I do run very-
Bob Simon (42:11):
Perfect stride.
Jeff Dye (42:11):
Very gazelle like.
Bob Simon (42:12):
Hold a potato chip.
Mauro Fiore (42:14):
I have this case right now where this guy, a motorcyclist rear-ended my client's car at like 90 miles an hour, the motorcyclist. The footage is so nuts because you see him hit the car, but it's from the Tesla that was parked behind my client's car. You see him hit the car, and instantly, you see him go one way and his lower body go the other way. He's like chopped in half, the guy. So, he is severed in half. So, part of his body flies this way. Part of it flies that way.
Jeff Dye (42:43):
Someone called David Copperfield.
Mauro Fiore (42:47):
The video from the Tesla shows the motorcycle coming down on the shoulder, just racing another motorcycle. They go right by the Tesla. Then as soon as they go by the Tesla, the Tesla picks up the footage again when they go past and you see the entire accident.
Jeff Dye (43:06):
Who's suing who?
Mauro Fiore (43:07):
Well, my client's car was totaled. She got hit so hard, like a rocket hitter. She stopped in a Prius and gets hit by a big motorcycle going 90 miles an hour.
Jeff Dye (43:19):
She's like, "Sue him." You're like, "He's dead. Who do we sue?"
Mauro Fiore (43:24):
Insurance company.
Bob Simon (43:25):
It's always insurance company, by the way.
Mauro Fiore (43:27):
She's traumatized too. It's like his legs land-
Jeff Dye (43:29):
Of course. Yeah. It's mortifying to see something like that.
Mauro Fiore (43:31):
This is crazy.
Jeff Dye (43:32):
I used to work at a hotel and they brought this old man that passed away and I was rattled by it. Then the whole day, it was real. I don't want to describe how gruesome the old man that killed himself looked like. But then later on, years later, someone told me like, "Yeah, they have to let you off of work that day because you witnessed something like that, they have to let you go home." I was like, "Well, I wish I'd have known that."
Mauro Fiore (43:56):
Don't tell that to my office because one time I had an attorney of my office died in the office like 9:00 in the morning and they wouldn't take him. He just had a massive heart attack and just died. I told you this story, right?
Bob Simon (44:10):
No.
Mauro Fiore (44:11):
I mean it's not funny, but he had a massive heart attack and just the fire department guy told me this guy was dead before he hit the floor. But I was like, "You can't fucking leave him here. Take him with you."
Jeff Dye (44:21):
Yeah, exactly.
Mauro Fiore (44:22):
Get him out of here. They're like, "We don't transport dead people." That's what the fire department guy told me. You got to wait for the coroner. I'm like, "Well, where's the fucking coroner?" They're like, "Yeah, they'll be here."
Bob Simon (44:32):
They'll be here on Tuesday.
Mauro Fiore (44:32):
I was like, "Well, when?" They're like, "I don't know, they don't work for me." So this was like 9:00 in the morning and I was like, "Well, shit, man." So they just threw a sheet over him. We just locked the door to his office. I was taking a deposition.
Bob Simon (44:46):
He's doing a banana slip and fall.
Mauro Fiore (44:48):
Well, what am I going to do, man? I mean, they were waiting for the coroner and the coroner showed up.
Jeff Dye (44:52):
The weirdest thing I read about this, so it's not like a first person or anything, but I don't know if you guys heard about this case. Someone died on an airplane and the family was so traumatized because they just lost a loved one that they were like, "Well, it'd be in the best interest of the family. Let's just get them to first class. We're going to upgrade them to first class. We have open seats, put them up here." But now the people in first class have to hear this family that's crying, because they lost a loved one. So, that's okay. No one should be upset. It's just these things happen. But they took the dead body of the person and put it in a seat next to a guy who isn't in the family. So, there's a family crying and then a dead body, and he claimed that the dead body kept falling on him.
Bob Simon (45:35):
This is from Weekend at Bernie's.
Jeff Dye (45:37):
No, no, this is real. This is a real core thing. Then it was sliding underneath the seat belt because it's not sitting correctly. The guy sued the airline and said, "I at least get a free first class ticket. That was not first class." The airline doubled down and it was like, "No, this is just a thing that happens. That guy was dead. You're being too sensitive about this." I was like, "Dude, this guy is mortified."
Mauro Fiore (45:59):
Pretty bad.
Jeff Dye (46:00):
You have to sit by a dead body. Even for five minutes, it is too long.
Mauro Fiore (46:04):
That's crazy.
Bob Simon (46:04):
Jeff, yeah, we got to wrap up, man. We can do this forever. I could drink non-alcoholic whiskey.
Mauro Fiore (46:08):
Is there any place that people could see you or what projects you have going on? Throw a plug in.
Jeff Dye (46:14):
Sure, jeffdye.com is my website.
Bob Simon (46:16):
D-Y-E.
Jeff Dye (46:16):
D-Y-E.
Bob Simon (46:17):
Not do it yourself or die.
Jeff Dye (46:19):
D-I-E. I'm very easy to find on the internet, so just search my name, J-E-F-F D-Y-E. And then I have a special coming out called The Last Cowboy in LA.
Bob Simon (46:28):
Wow.
Jeff Dye (46:29):
I'll be doing Rogan again here in a month and a half. So, yeah, a lot of things coming up, so check me out.
Bob Simon (46:34):
Nice, man.
Jeff Dye (46:34):
Thanks.
Bob Simon (46:34):
So do people have to go through you or your agent? How does that work for you?
Jeff Dye (46:37):
To book me?
Bob Simon (46:38):
Yeah.
Jeff Dye (46:39):
Yeah. They just can find all that information on my website.
Bob Simon (46:43):
Apparently, he can come and roast lawyers.
Jeff Dye (46:45):
Yeah, it was really fun.
Bob Simon (46:47):
It was really fun and pulls no punches by the way.
Jeff Dye (46:50):
Did you enjoy it?
Bob Simon (46:50):
I loved it.
Jeff Dye (46:51):
Good. That says a lot about someone who can be made fun of. It doesn't matter to me because we didn't know each other. Also, I just thought you were cool, so I didn't really roast you much. I roasted everyone else there.
Bob Simon (47:02):
You did say I had a small penis many times.
Jeff Dye (47:04):
Well, that's what everyone else said.
Bob Simon (47:06):
Well, yeah, they did say that.
Jeff Dye (47:09):
Also, you know what the worst roast joke was? I had all these good ones and then I tried to do a stealers one, but I didn't really know what to say.
Bob Simon (47:15):
What did you say?
Jeff Dye (47:16):
And then you were like, "What?" I was like, "I know." Yeah. I should have just ended on that last one.
Bob Simon (47:20):
Well, good. Well, Jeff Dye, thank you for coming on, brother. Appreciate you, man.